she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize