Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
