i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
