Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
