Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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