soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize