I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
