ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
