And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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