Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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