i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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