I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
