The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
COCAINE IS GR8
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
