im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
