apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
