it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
