remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
