I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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