I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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