He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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