I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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