I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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