What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
