What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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