kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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