I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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