I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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