i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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