Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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