Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
