playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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