He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
