he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Randomize
