What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
