; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
