Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
