i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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