If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
