respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
