He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
