I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize