he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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