Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
