i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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