so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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