We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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