Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
