i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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