Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
