did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
