Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
