yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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