I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
