Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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