When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
True college students do jello shots in the library
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