I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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