i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize