my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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