dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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