I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize