Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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