I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
