Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
