I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
