Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
