i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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