i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
