HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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